Horrifying, irrational, shameful things I am vaguely worried about, with regards to having another baby at the end of January:
• I won't feel the same about this new baby boy as I did/do about Riley
• I will love this baby completely, and it will dilute how I feel about Riley
• Having his parents suddenly paying all this attention to a new baby will make Riley sad and miserable
• My patience, already stretched pretty thin as is, will snap completely and I will become a shrewish, ugly, screechy mother, the kind people have to go to therapy to recover from
• I won't be able to focus on the joys of experiencing all the good baby moments again (first smiles, that delicious head-smell, the feeling of holding a sleeping baby in your arms) and instead will constantly fret over the insanity of repeating all the bad baby moments (teething, not-sleeping, turbo-pooping, and all. those. SHOTS)
• I will feel lonely, bored, isolated, and depressed during maternity leave, and on one endless day the sight of yet another pile of spit-up-stained bibs/washcloths will make me start screaming and never stop
I tell myself it's normal to experience these thoughts, and that everything will ultimately work out in the end, and that having this baby will be a wonderful, stressful, amazing experience, just like it was with Riley, but I also think it's highly unfair that major anti-anxiety drugs are typically considered a no-no during pregnancy. Which is why I'm baking cookies today. AGAIN.
Yes. I though all those things while pregnant the second time. And unfortunately, every single one them are just a little bit true. Even the conflicting ones. But also, not so important. All the worry kinda fades to the background to make room for life.
Posted by: ktjrdn | 10/26/2007 at 09:42 AM
I had all those same worries when I was pregnant with my second child.
But after she was born I kept thinking (for weeks and weeks) "I can't believe how great it is to have a newborn!" (I was not expecting it to be as great as it was.)
If you are like me you'll be able to enjoy the second baby even more than the first because you'll know what you are doing and can focus on just savoring your new bundle of joy/poop/spit up.
Posted by: laughing mommy | 10/26/2007 at 10:14 AM
Cookies= the best anti-anxiety drug known to woman.
Posted by: Jenna | 10/26/2007 at 10:32 AM
Yep, me too and everything that ktjrdn said held true for me as well when my second daughter was born.
My daughters are now 13 and 18 years old now and have a very special bond. I'll admit when they were little it was rough sometimes but just remember to take each day at a time and savor the quiet moments that you will share with your new little one because they grow so darned fast. It truly is amazing how much more love there is in your heart for another child. You'll know what I mean the minute you see him for the first time.
Just wait Linda, you're gonna be great at being a mommy of two boys.
Posted by: Janet | 10/26/2007 at 10:34 AM
Ach. You'll be too tired to give too much thought to those deep things. When I went from one to two, it seemed as natural as breathing. It just "worked" for me. The newborn stage felt MUCH easier the second time around because I *knew* what to expect and my bag of tricks wasn't completely empty.
BUT even more important...HOW are you baking and eating all of those cookies and still lookin' so smokin'?
Posted by: g~ | 10/26/2007 at 11:00 AM
Mmmm...cookies.
Posted by: Brooke | 10/26/2007 at 11:25 AM
Hmm, I like reading what you write because you write what I am thinking...
This is also another reason to add to an ever growing list as to why I am still not pregnant with my little clock going TICK TOCK... this means I was not planning to have babies past the age of 35 and I will not have babies that were as far apart as I was from my sibs...
Cookies will also help!
Posted by: Christina | 10/26/2007 at 11:42 AM
It IS normal. I'm having EXACTLY the same feelings about January, only replace "Riley" with "Quentin". Maybe I should go bake cookies.
Posted by: Mandie | 10/26/2007 at 11:50 AM
Did you hack into my very own, stressed out brain or something? I am totally terrified of all the same things. And then I like to top it off with fretting about how we'll afford two of them in daycare when my maternity leave ends.
Ugh. Please share chocolate cookie recipe.
Posted by: Michelle | 10/26/2007 at 11:55 AM
My two girls were 19 months apart. Yes. Stupid..or mildly insane.
They are both horrid angsty teens now. Hoorah. (Note the sarcasm)
Don't worry, you will be totally gobsmacked at how much you can love not one, but two little munchkins. Aaaand when the baby gets to toddlerdom (is that a word?) they will be able to keep each other amused, thus freeing up time for you to bake copius amounts of calorie stuffed goodies to send to all of your loyal readers.
There will be tough times when you will wonder whatthehell ever possessed you to have TWO!! but there will also be times you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner.
You will be fine...I promise.
Posted by: Tammy | 10/26/2007 at 11:56 AM
Me, too. Me, too. Me, too...but when baby #2 arrived last May, it all seemed to somehow just work out. In fact, I felt even MORE love for my kids, (though sometimes I feel like locking them in their rooms just for a little peace and quiet.) Totally normal feelings. It will all somehow work out. It just will.
Posted by: Jennifer | 10/26/2007 at 12:07 PM
It is like looking in a mirror. But are you forgetting to worry about dying in childbirth? You're welcome!
Also, I think the cookies are more effective anyway.
Posted by: Swistle | 10/26/2007 at 12:19 PM
I swear you pick out each thought from my transparent and over worked little brain and post them with more eloquence than I ever could. I wish the smell of food didn't make me throw up (1st trimester blues) because I bet a warm choco-cookie would be great right now.
Thank you for expressing my neuroses in a way that makes me feel normal. Thank you.
Posted by: kim | 10/26/2007 at 12:28 PM
Oh, how I fretted about all that sleep deprivations. But know what? It wasn't nearly as bad as I had imagined.
My older kids DID drive me crazy after we brought baby home. This is normal, but good to prepare yourself ahead of time. After that short "I can't stand my big kids" phase, I've never felt like I didn't have enough love to go around.
And patience? Somehow, it grows and we grow as parents. It's magic! (I suspect it also has to do with me chilling out a TON the 2nd time around and also, lowering my standards some too.)
Keep eating the cookies- cheap therapy! =)
Posted by: Marie Green | 10/26/2007 at 12:47 PM
I feel the same fears about getting pregnant again. That and the fear of childbirth. I am so so so not ready for prenatal appointments, pre-term labor, and c-section recovery. My poor bladder trembles at the thought. But then I remember when I was in the ICU immediately after having my son and how I was ready to have 10 more at that moment. It is amazing how your heart can love someone so much so quickly.
Posted by: Someone Being Me | 10/26/2007 at 01:18 PM
Second baby....is great!
I was actually less stressed than I was with the first. Because I sorta kinda had an idea of what to do with the 2nd one when I was completely clueless with the first.
Posted by: Heather | 10/26/2007 at 02:02 PM
Having children close together(3 weeks shy of 2 years)has been great! They started playing together shortly after my youngest turned one and are best friends. IT gives me some down time. The first couple of months were a great "break in" period. The baby didn't need much more than food and a diaper from me and it allowed for my oldest to accept the time split. In my experience, I love the girls completely different. I love them both equally, but my oldest is just that, and the youngest, well you get the point. I will say, if you aren't already, become a great writer-downer (nice word huh?) The second makes it difficult to remember the special moments and milestones.
Posted by: Tracy | 10/26/2007 at 04:05 PM
Cookies are a drug. Cookies are a addictive drug.
This is something my brother and I got from Penny, the girl with the penny eyes from Pee-Wee Herman, and her brief stint in anti-drug commercials. Insert plural addictive thing and repeat. It makes you feel better.
Posted by: superblondgirl | 10/26/2007 at 05:52 PM
I absolutely had ALL of those feelings when our second was on the way.
But...
It's true - they'll both get a little less attention from you, since you have to take care of the other one. But the attention they lose from you will be replaced 10-FOLD by the attention they get from and give to each other.
You'll have more patience than you ever imagined, and you'll enjoy all the milestones just as much, especially since you won't be as stressed out at the basic functioning level - you've already figured out how to change a diaper, etc.
Riley might go a little wonky for a bit, but he'll adjust and he won't even remember when his brother wasn't there.
Yeah, maternity leave will probably make you crazy!
Posted by: crazymommylady | 10/27/2007 at 12:04 AM
Amen! I'm having these *exact* same thoughts during my second pregnancy, too. Haven't worked any of it out yet either. Thanks for sharing.
More cookies for us both, I guess.
Posted by: Amy / Girl's Life | 10/27/2007 at 09:12 AM
1 - You WILL feel differently about the new baby than Riley, because they will be different people. It will just be different, not more or less.
2 - You WILL love the new baby completely, but you will also still love Riley completely. Funny how it works that way.
3 - Riley might be a little sad and/or miserable at first. BUT, if you keep him involved in things with the baby and explain how tiny babies NEED more attention AT FIRST, but it will get better, he'll come around. And he will then LOVE and CHERISH his new sibling. Make a HUGE deal out of the big brother position in the family.
4 - Sometimes you'll be the shrewish, screechy mother, but it'll be less often than not. We all do it from time to time.
5 - Once the baby's here, you'll forget all about the bad things, except when they are happening. And you know they'll end.
6 - Everyone's personality different in this regard. But I bet if you start to go a little insane and blog about it, you'll get plenty of ideas and sympathy.
You're right - it's normal and everything will work out in the end.
Posted by: JMC | 10/27/2007 at 09:28 AM
this is why im shoveling ice cream down my throat
Posted by: wilddreemer | 10/27/2007 at 05:33 PM
I'm the oldest by 4 years, when my mom got pregnant with my younger sister, she felt exactly the way you feel. She said she literally could not conceive that she'd be able to love another baby as much as she loved me. But she did, and actually now as adults she prefers her. J/K.......................................sort of. ;)
Posted by: C | 10/27/2007 at 10:25 PM
I think it's healthy you think this way. Being aware of potential problems is the first step to solving/coping with them. And the things we worry about never turn out as bad we think they will.
Posted by: stan | 10/29/2007 at 02:26 AM
Those are my fears exactly! I should be getting excited at the thought of trying for #2 but instead it throws me into a panic attack. Well, maybe not a full on panic attack but definitely a mini one. I'm just not ready to share myself with another person yet. Are you ever ready or do you just have to bite the bullet and go for it?
Posted by: akinvt | 10/29/2007 at 08:20 AM