Horrifying, irrational, shameful things I am vaguely worried about, with regards to having another baby at the end of January:
• I won't feel the same about this new baby boy as I did/do about Riley
• I will love this baby completely, and it will dilute how I feel about Riley
• Having his parents suddenly paying all this attention to a new baby will make Riley sad and miserable
• My patience, already stretched pretty thin as is, will snap completely and I will become a shrewish, ugly, screechy mother, the kind people have to go to therapy to recover from
• I won't be able to focus on the joys of experiencing all the good baby moments again (first smiles, that delicious head-smell, the feeling of holding a sleeping baby in your arms) and instead will constantly fret over the insanity of repeating all the bad baby moments (teething, not-sleeping, turbo-pooping, and all. those. SHOTS)
• I will feel lonely, bored, isolated, and depressed during maternity leave, and on one endless day the sight of yet another pile of spit-up-stained bibs/washcloths will make me start screaming and never stop
I tell myself it's normal to experience these thoughts, and that everything will ultimately work out in the end, and that having this baby will be a wonderful, stressful, amazing experience, just like it was with Riley, but I also think it's highly unfair that major anti-anxiety drugs are typically considered a no-no during pregnancy. Which is why I'm baking cookies today. AGAIN.