I was at my regular prenatal appointment the other day and my doctor asked me if we were planning on having any more children after this baby. "Oh ho ho ho NOOOO," I said in the overly jolly tone I seem to always use when I get asked this question. "No, two will be plenty for us, thanks."
She then went on to ask if I'd considered having a tubal ligation during my C-section this time around. To that, I had no jolly response, only a weak fluttering of the hands and a lot of blinking and head-shaking.
The truth is, I am 99.9999% sure I don't want to have a third child, and JB, for once, is completely on the same page with me on the whole subject of reproduction, so there's no reason why I shouldn't Biggie-size my surgery and go for the tubal at the same time.
Except . . . I don't know, what if there's a .0001% chance we change our mind somewhere down the road? It sure seems unlikely now, but there have certainly been times in my life when I was positive I didn't want any children, much less two. It's so hard to predict what the future will bring, and surgery is such a permanent solution.
Also, this is weird to admit, but there's something that bothers me about sterilizing myself. It's not like there's anything that bothers me about birth control, but removing my ability to have children altogether feels like—boy, I don't even know. Like a step I'm somehow not willing to take, despite our decision that this pregnancy will be the last one.
You know what I wish I could do instead? Donate my ability to get pregnant to someone else. I know that sounds stupid, but that's what I would choose if I could. Just remove the "Gets Knocked Up Pretty Easily" bone, and give it to someone else who's having a hard time, without transferring any of my surely-undesirable genes (bad teeth, poor eyesight, inability to perform basic mathematical calculations). That would be preferable to what seems to me to be the equivalent of taking my fertility out back and putting a bullet in its head.