Statement; piglets

I'm just going to post this once, and I'll refer back to it if necessary: we are having a planned C-section with this baby because there are medical reasons for doing so. In my specific situation, there are risk factors that are significantly lowered by having a C-section, and yes, I know all about VBAC options and I've discussed the matter quite thoroughly with my doctor.

I know people mean well, but I want to advocate for anyone in my situation when I say that it's actually pretty rude to remind me to "do my research" on this subject. I can't imagine why anyone would have such a strong Vagina Agenda that it would seem like a good idea to dole out medical advice when it's both uncalled for and, in my case, wholly misinformed. When you tell me it's safer for me to have a vaginal birth, you're actually lying--I mean, I get that you don't know that, but that's exactly why you shouldn't make those kinds of comments.

Let's all just pay attention to our own vaginas, shall we? I won't tell you what to with yours if you don't tell me what to do with mine. Deal?

Thus endeth my statement from the soapbox. Sorry that this only applies to a very small percentage of readers, but I felt I had to address it before every entry that references this baby's arrival gets a smattering of comments telling me to go with the birth choice that's not actually viable for me.

In other news, remember those missing pigs from a while back? Now there are new piglets, and they are so cute I can hardly stand it. I certainly hope they don't go to their "home in the country" anytime soon.

Comments

[Mairlyn]

Thanks for posting this, Linda. I too get those comments I refer to my c-sections (if all goes to plan, I'll be having my 4th section and 3rd baby this March or April) and I don't understand why people can't just let it be. What difference does it make how another person gives birth?

[mum2dnj]

yep, I second that. Cram it in your cram hole, I say. Surgery sucks, vaginal birth sucks. If only the toughest part of child rearing was getting them into this world we could waste time dicussing vajuje/c-section. Luckily, once they are here, we are faced with many more important decisions- like making them into decent human beings!!!!

[hello insomnia]

I would rather have a c-section than have my lady business feel like a 2-car garage.

[Beth]

Drat. I am rather hoping that you would tell me what to do with my vagina so that I wouldn't have to decide for myself. Suppose I'll just have to find someone else then. I expect I can find lots of volunteers.

[Swistle]

I love this. During my first c-section, a situation was revealed that made it clear I would need to have c-sections from then on, no choice. I don't think other people have the right to demand I give them this reason as my ticket for not having to hear them tell me about why I should have a VBAC. If I say, "I'm having a scheduled c-section," I want it to be assumed that I am a person capable of making decisions based on research I have ALREADY DONE.

I especially dislike it when the "research" I am supposed to do is only in the one particular field the other person thinks I should be agreeing with. Hey, my lack of agreement with their point of view must mean I'm IGNORANT! As opposed to having an EQUALLY VALID OPINION!

Which reminds me that I ALSO hate when the other person assumes that I'm being some sort of spineless patsy and agreeing with my Establishment Doctor when I should instead be insisting on my right to do things in an unsafe way--which the other person, without a medical degree of any sort, tells me IS safe, without knowing my reason for having c-sections. Oh! Okay! I'm SURE you're right! And perhaps you will also attend the birth, since you are SUCH AN EXPERT? *pant pant*

I like the way you wrote this post. I admire the way you made things so clear but in a calm tone of voice. That's something I strive for unsuccessfully (the ability to be STRONG but also CALM), and you nailed it.

[Liz in Australia]

Piglets - cute!

I tend to steer away from giving people advice on how to give birth, given that I would be equally offended if anyone tried to tell me that my choice to home birth is wrong or ill-informed *shrug*

[Liz in Australia]

Also: LOL at Beth's comment.

[Colleen]

Very well said. Just another topic that should fall under "You do what you have to... I'll do what I have to. "

[jonniker]

Oh my effing GOD, the VBAC questions and comments were getting to *me*, and it's not my vagina. Jesus.

[ShannonJ]

Ooo, ooo, ooo! Can we talk about what we're supposed to do with our boobs instead? :)

[Jana]

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for having the guts to say what I wanted to say for 9 freaking months.

[Ashley]

I love pigs!

And as far as how the new baby gets here, the safest route for mama and baby is the obvious choice, I mean duh.

[Ingrid]

My vagina fully agrees. Birth is birth and, you know what? If I could, I would totally have made sure my husband had the babies - thereby bypassing my vaginal area all together.

[sooboo]

Vagina Agenda is a great name for a band.

[Danell]

Oooooh, piglets! I realized during my "food animal" rotations in vet school that piglets are quite possibly the cutest baby animals EVER.
It was almost enough to put me off of pork. But not quite...because mmmmbacon.

[KatezMom]

I'm sincerely sorry. I look forward to your blog at the end of each day and hope you'll allow me to keep reading. And I agree with sooboo that Vagina Agenda is a great name for a band.

[Tina]

I agree with you 100%. Actually it would be more if it were mathematically possible. My decision was made but I didn't tell anyone for fear of the whole plethora of bad advice and scare tactics on the topic. My google searches and doctor interrogations probably added up to 3 months worth of research....and I was happy with my choice on a repeat c-section. My kid decided to be breech and undescended anyway...at least she and I had the same plan!

[Leslie]

Toot! Puddle! And is that Cousin Opal?

[Shannon]

I am so sorry that people felt the right to give you grief. I too read all those Mommy books about how doctors LOVE to cut people open and that c-sections are mostly unnescessary. But they were invented for a reason- to allow women to have healthy, happy babies without dying... so if that is what the c-section will allow you to do more power to you! And seriously- anyone who can avoid abdominal surgury usually does right? ( I mean I hope so because if those people are breeeding we are in BIGGGGG trouble!)

Here is to your having a really enjoyable pregnancy (the unknown being gone really helps with that) and a strong and healthy number 2 baby.

[andrea]

I can't wait to go see the new piglets. Very cute!

Good idea to address the c-section issue now so everyone can just leave you alone about it. As I often say, "my vagina, my business" when people start talking all birthy to me. Let's just focus on the safe birth of a healthy baby.

[Jen]

Okay. So... um, yeeeah. First let me say I am completely down with the whole you-mind-your-patootie-and-I'll-mind-mine brigade. 100%, really and truly. However! Let me also add: Two car garage?!! TWO CAR GARAGE? That's just plain mean!

I had my baby "non-surgically" (you know, except for the IV, and catheter, and epidural, and the stitches, and the team of medical experts around), and I was so paranoid about the state that region would be in. I didn't think my husband ever want to have sex with me again. I distinctly remember looking at him and sobbing, "What if it's just like on The Family Guy, where Stewie is talking to the prostitute and says, 'Is it like throwing a hotdog down a hallway?'" I was sure I'd never be the same. (My doctor telling me after the birth, "Just don't look down there for a while, okay? It always looks like a baboon's ass exploded down there for a few weeks. Just. Do. Not. Look!" probably didn't help either. I am NOT making that up, btw.)

Anyway, my point - and I do have one - is: Some time and a few (thousand) kegel exercises later, and things are, if not *exactly* identical to what they were before, then at least pretty darn close. Very UN two car garage-like. Very!

And yes, I am ridiculously defensive.

[JMH]

Seriously, WHY are people sooo interested in bossing everyone around??? *Sigh* By the time all of the kids reach kindergarten, no one can tell if they were born via a C-section or breast fed or did the co-sleeping thing or whatever. And honestly, by that point, no one cares anymore.

[Jamie]

Perhaps I'm showing my own non-mother naivete, but isn't the health and welfare of the baby and the mother the chief concern in debates like this?

When did we all lose that focus on what is really important, and chalk the rest up to personal preference and/or necessity? Geez.

You tell 'em, Linda.

[Eric's Mommy]

You are exactly right, how you have your baby is up to you!
I had an emergency c-section and if I were to have another baby I wouldn't want to risk "trying" a VBAC! It's your choice. Great post.

[yet another jen]

You know, I can grok the c section thing, and I don't care what anyone else does with their junk, but Myself I prefer them vaginally delivered. It's worked well for me in the past, y'know? However it's kind of annoying when someone who has ONLY had c sections and NEVER delivered vaginally, can make a comment that my hoo ha would potentially be cavernous enough to fit TWO CARS inside. Give me a break, let's all just say what our piece from our own side of the fence and stop with the catty comments.

I'm sure someone will pop up and say they've never been the same down there, but for plenty of us it's just a total non-issue. Yes that is possible! I don't notice a difference, my husband doesn't notice a difference, all is happy here in this household.