First deepest cut

This morning I took my belt away from Riley (who was wearing it around his neck yelling "NECKIE! NECKIE!--his word for "necklace") and he immediately launched into Full Meltdown Mode, staggering around in circles shrieking and carrying on. I picked him up and held him horizontally, preparing to ferry him into the other room where I could perhaps distract him, when he suddenly latched onto my forearm with his mouth like a hungry lamprey eel.

Friends, my son BIT me. He wasn't screwing around, either: he bit hard enough to leave a silver-dollar-sized bruise, complete with an O-shaped double arch of teeth marks.

It hurt in more ways than one (did I not carry this child inside my own BODY for, what was it, eleventy billion months in a row?) and I reacted with severity. I said "NO" in a Darthlike Voice I'm not sure he's ever heard before, then took his arm and dragged him a bit closer while I spoke directly into his face. "NO BITING."

A few minutes later, I showed him the bite marks on my arm and sadly told him that he hurt Mama, and that biting was bad.

He became very, very serious and quiet and just looked at me, all eyes. Eventually I told him that I loved him, that it didn't mean I was mad at him, but that I needed him to understand that biting was not okay and hey! How about a tummy zerbert? And we moved on.

So. I don't know what I'm doing, here. I don't know what you're supposed to do about biting. I just . . . I really don't want my kid to bite. I really, really don't.

What if this happens again? Any advice is more than welcome.

Comments

[Nikki]

I wish I could say that I had an answer...with my sons, I was always told to bite back but (to me) it seemed barbaric to (literally) chomp on my kiddo. Plus, I couldn't help but rationalize that what, exactly, would that teach him but what he was already practicing---frustration=biting.
My middle boy actually got kicked out of his preschool for biting (they'd have kept him if I'd gotten personal injury insurance, they said) but when placed in a new environment, miraculously just stopped. I don't think I'd worry too much unless it becomes a recurring thing. He's just trying, in his not-completely-verbal way, to show his frustration.
Ouchie!

[Rumblelizard]

Actually, I think you did the right thing.

[el-e-e]

You know what I actually have trouble with? I like to bite, as in, nibble on his toes or his arm in that playful, I'm-your-Mommy -and-I-could-eat-you-up-yum kind of way. So I guess I really need to stop that. Thankfully KNOCKWOOD my little guy's never bitten yet in a mean way, but... just... no.

I think you did perfectly.

[Colleen]

What you did sounds exactly right. I've only had Zoe bite me once... but I dealt with biting quite a bit while I worked as an infant room teacher. If we (teachers) were bitten we would give a stern "NO, NO BITING!" and place the child sitting on the floor. We would repeat and add in a "biting hurts my body, no biting, do nice" or something. If another child was bit, we would still give the stern treatment to the biter... and then give all of the soothing caring treatment to the child who was bit, making sure to verbalize that biting hurts, biting makes us sad. Once we finished our "routine" we would try to go back to things as usual. I think generally, the first time a child bites they don't really know what they are doing, other than reacting with anger (like hitting, pushing, shoving). It's a way to communicate when they aren't able to use words. I hate to say that using the stern scary voice is best, but sometimes if you scare them the first time they bite, they don't try it again.

Good luck! (sorry bout the loooonngg comment)

[Amanda]

I always think that a physical problem (like biting or hitting) needs an immediate physical response. I don't agree with the bite-him-back thing, but I would abruptly and firmly place the child on the naughty spot (if you have one - Riley's not too young) and then walk away. Your NO voice sounds awesome. I wish I could summon something other than a pansy-assed shriek.

[Ellen]

Oh, my sister was a biter. As I recall my parents had a special time-out spot for her in the basement, where we thought the spiders would come and get us. It was kind of a Spot of Last Resort and I was afraid of being sent there for a long, long time.

I neither endorse nor caution against this technique, as I have not used it myself, but will merely point out that sis has not bitten me in a LONG TIME.

[Amy]

My cousin did the "bite back" thing and they said it worked. Immediately. I don't have the guts to make her cry immediately, so my tactic is more of the "sudden yelp of pain, Mama has an owie, biting Mama gave her the owie, Mama's owie needs a kiss" thing. It seems to work too, but I will say that my daughter doesn't seem to be a natural biter.

[laughing mommy]

I don't know if this will help, but I know a little girl who had such an enormous problem with biting (the other kids would run away when they saw her coming) that her parents got her a little squeaky dog toy and called it her "biting puppy".

Whenever she looked like she was about to chomp something they gave her the biting puppy and she bit it instead. It worked for them.

But, of course, that would only apply to Riley if he continues to bite and really seems to need to chomp on something to work out his frustrations.

[christen]

My mom bit me back and it worked. I never bit anyone again.
Not so much with my brother. She bit him back, but he kept on doing it.
I grew up mostly fine, so I don't think biting back would traumatize him too much (unless you did it every day--if it doesn't work after the first or second time, don't do it anymore). :)

[DDM]

I haven't encountered this yet. But, my very unauthorized opinion is that you handled it very, very well.

[Liz in Australia]

I haven't had a problem with biting yet, but your response sounds like what I would have done in that situation. It's hard when these things come out of the blue and you have absolutely no idea how to deal with them.

I think the biting back idea is pretty counterproductive (as well as verging on child abuse). If you want a toddler to stop doing something, then reinforcing that it must be an OK thing to do if Mommy does it too doesn't seem like a useful strategy to me...

[Jen]

I bit a kid once. My Mom told me it was bad, and that I shouldn't do it again. I did. So, my Mom then bit me. I never bit anyone again.

[thejunebug]

My sister's son didn't stop biting until his sister was old enough to bite him back. She chomped on him right after he did it to her, and he never did it again. Neither did she. This kid bit me hard enough to draw blood (through denim), so he wasn't fooling around when he bit people. I would say you did perfectly fine and not to worry about it unless he keeps it up.

[Donna]

I think what you did was fine, my kids got a quick smack for biting, and never did it again, I know that might not be ok, but I can't see biting them back, that seems a little barbaric to me.
Thankfully neither one of my kids was a big biter. I remember I got in trouble in first grade MYSELF for biting a girl that got on the monkey bars that were saved by my putting my sweater on it while I went and got a drink. I then bit her, and she told and I got in trouble, and good god, I'm old and can still remember that?
Good times......lol.

[Melis]

Friends of ours had a minion of Satan that was not only a biter but a hitter too. They tried the bite back method only to have it backfire in a very ugly way. The Demon Child (as we began to call him) got kicked out of several daycares and had little or no respect for any adult. He's about 8 now and I think he's grown out of some of it but is still very rowdy.

Little Man was a victim of "Jaws" at daycare more than once. The boy who was a chomper is still pretty agressive but smiley and happy and doesn't bite anymore thanks to many, many timeouts and being told NO BITING more times than I can count. Little Man doesn't bite others. Never has and I hope never will (he's 2 1/2).

[Maureen]

My sister had a biter, and she just put him in time out THE SECOND he bit. He started biting around 9 months old and stopped biting by the time he was a year or so. This is actually what she always does for every bad behavior, and I have seen it work miracles. The key is to make the consequences consistent and immediate. And never ever *say* you are going to put him in time out unless you are willing to do it, so with younger kids, pick just the few things that are very important to make time-out worthy; ie, biting, touching outlets, etc.

Good luck! Biting hurts.

[Swistle]

That's exactly the way I've handled biting when it's happened: I allow the pain of it to partly fuel my wide-eyed, stern voice reaction, and then I say "no biting" and "biting hurts" and maybe add a "That HURT Mommy" and "Owie!" But I've only been bitten periodically; I'm not sure how I'd handle a more chronic biter.

[gabby]

It sounds like you did it perfect...

[Nichole]

At this age, biting is normally a communication issue. He can't verbalize his feelings so he acts on them. I think you handled it well. My youngest bites. His development is delayed and he tends to bite other children when they REALLY push him over the edge. He can only say "I'm pissed at you" in so many ways. Ya know? If Riley makes it a habit of biting you may want to try the bite back thing. I did it with my middle child and it worked well. If the biting continues to be a habit I would suggest speaking to your ped. The one thing that really encouraged my son's communication was baby sign. We started to teach him sign and his frustration with not being able to communicate as well as he'd like eased quite a bit. Good luck. Biting sucks... you'll figure out what's best for Riley. :)

[a happier girl]

I think you handled it perfectly. I think you just consistently say no and over time they stop. I say "over time" because the chances of it only ever happening once seem slim.

[Joanne]

It does sound like you handled it just right. My son has bitten me a few times, once while nursing and the other times when he has GONE IN FOR A HUG! Each time, even though I want to cry and scream (because of the aforementioned eleventybillion months in a row that I carried him), I have just said NO in a clear low tone and then I put him down and away from me and go away, myself. Hoo boy, does it hurt! And smart! I feel for you, but in good news, my son hasn't bitten me in many months, he's almost two now. I hope you know that by saying that I am risking a huge jinx!

[Kathy/ Lessons from the Laundry]

I agree...sounds like you handled it well. I had a friend one time who use tabasco sauce for the "bite back" method. After the first taste, she only had to pick up the bottle and the child understood.

Kathy

[Shannon]

I'm not a mom but I did work in a fantastic daycare that taught me to deal with biters and hitters. Instead of saying "no", which they deemed was too vague and undirected for that particular situation, they trained us to yell "Stop!", as it was a direct command issued directly at the biting in action. And by golly, it worked like a charm! Kids hear the word "no" so often, it may lose a bit of umph and power over time, was their theory.

[JMH]

Oh dear. My son (now 3) went through a biting stage and it was UGLY. He got 6 teeth all at once which started the madness. At first, he would bite to make the teething feel better, but then he discovered the power biting had over other kids. It was a horrible time for all involved. Everyone told me "just bite him back" but I refused to do that. It seemed counter-productive telling him not to bite and then biting him. My dr. told me to carry a lemon with me and when he bit someone to make him bite the lemon (or something bitter) so he would associate the bad taste with biting. Guess what...he LOVED the lemon !!?? We just stayed consistent with telling him NO in a stern voice, removing him from the situation and when things calmed down, he had to apologize to the "bitee" Eventually, he stopped. Good luck!

[Mary]

Biting back may work as others have suggested. But in my opinion it's just as bad as hitting your child because they hit you or another child. Just because something works, doesn't mean it's right.

I think you handled it appropriately. This is definitely one stage I'm not looking forward to.