Riley now has the ability to make his body perfectly stiff while he is tantruming about being put in the carseat. His back arches, his little angry-tomato face aims upwards so as to maximize the amount of noise echoing around the car, and his legs extend out and down. The moment I manage to ram his ass into the seat, he goes ramrod straight again and no amount of shoving can get him re-situated. Today the only way I could manage to leave our grocery store's parking lot was to perform some complicated yogalike maneuver with both elbows, one hand, and somehow, I don't know how, the side of my face, in order to wedge him into the seat and buckle him in. I wouldn't say I was exactly gentle about this, either, and yet for a while there I thought I was going to be physically defeated by someone who comes up to my kneecaps.
It's frustrating enough to deal with a toddler in the middle of a meltdown, but having to get into what amounts to a public wrestling match is on a whole new level. This one left me sweaty, angry, and embarrassed, and it was a damn good thing I had some crackers handy because if he'd screamed all the way home I might just have driven off a bridge.
Riley's only saving grace for such moments is that no matter how fiery his intent, no matter how strong his will or his desire to do something other than what I need him to do, once he's distracted ("Hey! A cracker! I like crackers!") he moves on completely, showering me with adoring smiles even as the angry tears are drying on his face.
Not a bad trait to have, I suppose. All too soon he'll learn to tenderly cling to grudges, just like the rest of us. For now I'm glad I'm instantly forgiven for my carseat-enforcement sins. (EVEN THOUGH I'M RIGHT AND HE'S WRONG.)
My son does the exact same thing. I found what helps is to talk to him calmly, saying, "I know you don't want to be in your carseat but we really have to go home (or wherever)." Repeat. Repeat. I hold him until he tires the ramrod position and then quickly buckle him in before he becomes ramrod straight again. Then give him a toy, some food, whatever helps calm him down.
At that age, they are communicating by tantruming and when we validate their feelings, it does help them feel better knowing that Mommy/Daddy understands why they are frustrated. It sounds crazy but it works, especially when they are older (3-4 years old).
Posted by: Keri | 01/19/2007 at 03:58 PM
I love when my daughter does that thing where she goes from complete hysterics to smiling and laughing. If only we could all be like that. I wish I could be that happy when someone hands me some Cheerios. Ahhh Cheerios... what would I do without them?
Posted by: Mary D. | 01/19/2007 at 04:37 PM
Wow, Keri is a way nicer mom than me. When Cheeto does the ramrod trick, I tickle her side until she collapses, then buckle her in. Is that wrong?
Posted by: RAS | 01/19/2007 at 05:00 PM
Mine alternates the I'm A Two-By-Four technique with the I'm A Puffer Fish technique. Fortunately his stamina is not as staminariffic as mine: he can only sustain either posture for a short time before he needs to relax and re-strike the pose, but I can hold a car seat buckle poised for buckling indefinitely. I wait for my moment...wait for it...wait for it...NOW NOW NOW GO GO GO! And he's buckled, and I smile into his screamy little face.
Posted by: Swistle | 01/19/2007 at 05:45 PM
Oh, that is nothing compared to the Limp Dead Fish that my daughter has perfected whenever you try to remove her from the store without the toy/movie/junk she wants. I take her by the hand and without warning her spinal cord turns to jelly. Of course, it always looks like I just tossed her there and I get the death stare from little old ladies. Try to pick up a limp, 38 pound fish to put her into the shopping cart. I dare you!
Posted by: Jennifer | 01/19/2007 at 07:20 PM
I know I shouldn't laugh, but the side of your face?!? Hahahah oh my!
So far E. hasn't learned the ramrod trick. I will remember to give thanks tonight in my prayers to the happy parenting gods.
Posted by: honeybecke | 01/19/2007 at 09:22 PM
Tickling his belly works for me. If my boy does that ramrod trick, he gets a tickle and immediately melts into giggles, folding in half. Even though the last thing I want to do is be playful and tickle, it's the only thing that works.
Posted by: Sonia | 01/19/2007 at 09:38 PM
Do you ever do the naughty chair at home? For a long time, we had done time-outs in her bed because she tended to throw herself on the ground when she was mad. Problem is that she loves playing in her bed so it wasn't very effective anymore. I tried the naughty chair the other day and it worked AMAZINGLY well; she didn't get up and walk away, she clearly realized she was in big trouble, and ever since then, all I have to do is mention the naughty chair and she immediately stops whatever naughty thing she is doing. It works a little less when we are out of the house, but when she is having one of those public tantrums, I am happy if we can take it down the Richter scale a few points even if it doesn't stop her completely. You should give it a try. Frankly, you'll only have to do it once or twice to see if it is going to work on Riley. (PS make sure you have a stopwatch, because you have no concept of time when your kid is yelling. I generally feel like her minute must be up after about 20 seconds.)
Posted by: Nicole | 01/20/2007 at 01:08 AM
My son used to get mad and wriggle down....almost out of his seat. Now he is 5 and loves his little booster carseat. He is really almost too big for it but I think he likes it b/c he can see more. They grow out of these stages after awhile, though it seems like forever!
Posted by: | 01/20/2007 at 05:08 AM
My favorite part of fun times like those are the looks from people walking by in the parking lot. Yes. I'm fighting with a 2yo. Yes. My elbow is jammed into her midriff. Yes. I'm yelling at her to knock it off. Yes. I look like a hagard mommy. Sometimes I'm tempted to let her run around the van while I'm driving just to avoid these lovely scenes. Hey, our parents did it to us, right?
Posted by: cherubmarie | 01/21/2007 at 08:58 AM
I love the post by Swistle... I like smiling into screamin faces too....
Posted by: | 01/21/2007 at 09:01 AM
I just had the exact same experience with my 16-month-old son... except his car seat was strapped into an airplane and the seatbelt sign was on for the whole 5 1/2 hour trip. You can just imagine the glares / pseudo-sympathetic looks and "advice" I got traveling alone with a screaming, teething toddler. I think the whole plane would have voted me, "World's Worst Mommy" for lacking the ability to calm him down, despite crackers, toys, books, orajel, baby motrin, songs, peek-a-boo... you get the picture.
Ah, but you should have seen the smile he had for his Daddy when we got through the terminal. I don't know who I was mad at more...
Posted by: kristjana | 01/21/2007 at 05:51 PM
I am well-versed in the art of Ramrodian Child Poses and Limpfishian Pools of Goo.
My hub and I have a theory that the reason God makes babies so dang cute is in order for you to totally fall in love with them and can't imagine life without them, so that by the time toddlerhood gets here, we won't just leave them in a box in the yard with a sign saying, "Free to a Good Home".
I have been in a store a few times when the Princess of All Things decided to have a fit and I got the looks of pity from other women. I always ask, "do you have kids?" If the answer is no, I say, "You want one? She's my spare. I have another at home." This usually changes the look of eternal pity to laughter. But they still are pitying me on the inside. I can feel it.
Posted by: Missie | 01/21/2007 at 07:23 PM
Mine does the same thing, but he totally holds a grudge. I swear, he has been like this since he was like one day old! He never forgets anything and he will seriously give me the stinkeye the whole way home after a carseat fight.
Posted by: Joanne | 01/22/2007 at 07:19 AM
That used to make me so angry, but I would still laugh because the stiff posture and angry little face was just hilarious, at the same time.
Posted by: Melanie | 01/22/2007 at 07:11 PM
Age two and my youngest monster, I mean loving, sweet, angelic son, is still doing that! We live on a corner near a school so typically we have this battle while multitudes of well behaved children march off to school with their adoring parents staring at me as if I am the lowest form of life on the planet. I KNOW they must have experienced this at one point, too, but they have just forgotten. His other new trick is that before he's restrained or as soon as he's let loose, if I don't snatch him up immediately, he runs to the back of the van and then plays "Keep away from Mommy" as if it's the best game ever. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH! I think I'll downsize to a cooper mini or something he can't run through!
Posted by: Amy | 01/23/2007 at 03:46 PM