A sociological study

The 10 Stages of an Inflatable Baby Pool:

1) Intrigue

"Baby's own beach cabana"? Oooh, waffle textured floor – for extra comfort! This will ensure my son's love and affection, by golly.

2) Doubt

It does look sort of....big, though.

3) Cognitive Dissonance

I'm pretty sure this thing is a bad idea, but I really want to see if Riley likes it. Hmm. I'll just think of ponies while I buy it. La la la la la, ponies.

4) Defensiveness

Yes, I know it looks big, in the BOX. God, what is your problem – here I am, providing our child with a magical, metaphorical garden of delight, and all you can say is that it looks big? You need to reevaluate your priorities, mister.

5) Stubbornness

Jesus christ, it really is huge. I can't...I'm supposed to inflate it with my MOUTH? Oh man. Okay, just going to start blowing now...

6) Oxygen Deprivation

Oooohh, thish ish FUNNY! YOu blowin the holesh and wheeeeeeeeee!

7) Stern Appraisal

Okay, now, goddammit. This thing better – oh crap, THAT part needs to be inflated too??

8) Euphoria

ALL DONE. Oh my god, my lungs will never be the same, and my lips have formed themselves into some kind of permanent Jenna Jameson pucker, but we are ALL DONE.

9) Anticlimactic-ism

Huh. You could try and look a little more thrilled, kid.

Well, clearly it's boring because it's not FULL OF WATER! Let's fill it UP, boy! And toss you in it! Wearing a t-shirt and a pair of "Little Swimmers" diapers! THEN you'll be excited!

Um....that's your Dubya Face. The one reserved for things you find faintly confusing and only mildly interesting. Are you seriously giving me the Dubya Face after I killed off at least 8492912 brain cells, deflated my lungs AND endured countless dirty jokes from your father?

10) Reluctant Acknowledgment and Quiet Despair

JB: "It pretty much deflates after only a couple hours, looks like."

Me: "Yep."

JB: "Kind of takes up a lot of room in the yard, too. Also, I found a slug on it this morning."

Me: "Yyyyep."

JB: "I'm not going to say I told you so."

Me: "GOOD."

Comments

Hey, that pool looks vaguely familiar...Oh, that's right! It sat deflated in our back yard all last summer while my 2-yr-old banged on my woefully pregnant belly and begged me to blow it up just one more time. So he could sit in it for 5 minutes with his Dubya Face and then ask if he could take a bath in the tub instead.

Been there. Blew that. On several levels.

[Melissa]

Glad I bought the hard sided cheapo plastic pool. Same face but alot less work. BTW, your son is adorable!

[Robin]

Great post...had me laughing in my coffee this morning, and a MONDAY morning at that! Especially that first picture..he's all 'so? what do I now?' Awesome....

[HollowSquirrel]

Thanks for saving me the time, money and braincells. I was going to load up Jojo for a trip to Target/Babies R Us for a blow-up pool. I owe you.

[jonniker]

I laughed out loud with a hearty chuckle at the "Anticlimactic-ism" photo. Once again, Riley looks completely and hilariously wise beyond his years.

"Mother. I told you mother. No. Just no. This isn't working for me."

I'm picturing Stewie from the Family Guy almost every time (but without the diabolical hatred for you).

[Kristin]

Jesus. The Dubya face and the anticlimatic-ism had me snorting tea out of my nose at my computer, and I don't do that often.

[fellowmom]

Holy crap. This is what I did this weekend. Normally I send my husband a link, but not today. I've already had enough I-told-you-so's and anticlimatic-isms for one weekend.

[samantha jo campen]

I can't believe HOW FREAKIN' HUGE that thing is! Especially with is tiny little body sitting in it. And you really blew that up, by yourself? I'd be dead. Seriously dead.

That will go in the Good Mom handbook.

He is stinkin' adorable too, regardless of the screaming or indifference.

[Kristen]

I love this--SO funny, the stages, and then the photo of Riley just sitting in it.

[Alex]

The anti-climaticism picture had me rolling, too.

[becky]

Well, at least you're not the idiot who bought the super-cool "Splish Splash Pool" for your wee one. Hey, look how cool! It has fountains! and a little water slide! This will be tons of fun!

Except...how do those fountains and cool things work? By keeping the hose running constantly. The hose...which puts out COLD, COLD water. 96 degrees and the boy is shivering within a minute. Ack.

[plainjane]

An air compressor is a good investment when you have a kid, because that's not the last thing you're going to have to blow up. I don't mean that in a dirty way.

[katie d]

I have to agree with Samantha Jo on the whole I can't believe you blew that whole thing up yourself. And the lalalalala ponies thing? I died laughing. :) kd